


Corrupted

by nerdyrose24



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Captain America - Movies, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Capture, Established Relationship, Fluff, Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Hydra, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Pillow Talk, Post Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Rescue, The chair, boys crying, fluff/angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:34:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24537070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdyrose24/pseuds/nerdyrose24
Summary: The Soldier is on the most important mission of his life. Steve was captured by Hydra a few weeks prior and Bucky is heading the rescue mission, although he's still angry at Steve for getting himself into this mess in the first place.This work used to be called “I Know”.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 5
Kudos: 48





	1. The Mission

**Author's Note:**

> I don't think this is as angsty as it sounds; there are some cute moments. I guess this is what you get when you start writing at 1am because you can't sleep. (Don't worry, I checked it and typed it up with a clearer head in the morning.) I also have an idea for a second part or extension of this story, but I will leave it there for now.

The Soldier stalked into the Hydra base. From in the distance, his ears picked up the clashing ruckus of the distraction in the next room; Natalia was excellent as always. Once stood in the vast metallic warehouse, under the flickering strip lights ahead and smelling blood all around, echoes of a past life came back to him. His stomach lurched at the thought of whose blood he was most likely inhaling. He must not break his composure today - the mission was too important. 

Sniper eyes caught the glint of The Chair in the middle of the room. The figure strapped to it was slumped over and swathed in shadow and dirty hair hung over his face. Taking one last sweep of the entrances, including the door at the top of the stairs behind which his ex-pupil was working, the Soldier moved further into the light. The echoes became screams and bile rose in his throat. He swallowed it. Nothing must distract him from the mission. 

Closing his own gloved hands over the cast-iron restraints on the captive's arms, he said: "Steve." After a second, eyes opened, fixing themselves on the floor. "Do you know me?" he prompted. He needed to gage what sort of state Steve was in before pulling him free of the restraints. As much as the thought threatened to break him, he was prepared for the hardened cruel expression he knew came with this kind of conditioning. He was prepared for a fight. 

Slowly, Steve lifted his head. Immediately, his eyes shot open with shock. It melted into happiness, and he began to make noises like words in the back of his throat. As he realised, the mouth guard was still in place, this fell into sadness and fear. Tears slipped down his bloody face. Once again, he tried in vain to pull himself free of the restraints. 

Bucky placed a gloved hand on his cheek, staring intently into frightened eyes, eyes he knew so well. "Do you know me?" he asked, voice beginning forceful, but cracking eventually. Steve nodded, hair matted with sweat and dirt not moving on his forehead. The hand moved to take out the mouth guard. Steve gasped for air. Hands grabbed either side of his face, before dry lips came crashing down onto his own, which were wet with his tears. Bucky’s tongue slipped into Steve’s mouth, as he kissed him desperately. They broke apart, still breathing each other’s air. “Oh, Buck,” came Steve’s broken voice. He started to hiccup.

Bucky’s fingers caressed the back of Steve’s neck, slipping into the hairs there. “I know,” he whispered. Then he made short work of the restraints, converting the rage and relief he felt into brute strength. Steve collapsed into his arms.

“I thought – I thought I knew, but it hurts, it hurts so much,” Steve sobbed. 

“I know,” Bucky repeated. He closed his eyes and rubbed along the shoulder of Steve’s left arm, feeling anger and despair at Steve being corrupted and hurt in this way. Securing an arm around his waist, Bucky began to lift them both up from the floor. He was conscious that the distraction was only supposed to give him 12 minutes to locate and extract Steve to the transport waiting to take them to the airport. Once standing, Steve began to kiss all over Bucky’s face. Firmly, Bucky pushed him away, with a hand on either shoulder. “Stevie, we gotta go now, okay.” Steve nodded shakily. 

Noises from next door got louder. They were moving towards the exit. The Soldier was in front, Steve right behind him, clinging frantically to Bucky’s arm, his hand, his clothes. There was a bang. Then – silence. Steve remembered something, remembered the men sneering over him as he was beaten, remembered what they said. He grabbed Bucky’s hand and tugged. “Bucky,” he said. The soldier turned. “Bucky, it’s a trap.”

“Don’t worry about that. They weren’t expecting me to come with help,” Bucky countered, glanced up at the door. It was opened a little to reveal the silhouette of the Black Widow. The two shared a signal and as soon as she was gone again, Bucky pulled on Steve’s arm, commanding attention. “What you should be worried about is how you could be so goddamn stupid and pull a stunt like this! How could you, huh?” Bucky was right in his face, practically spitting the words out.

“I’m sorry, Buck. I thought – I thought I’d be in and out,” Steve explained, still slightly frantic with relief at being rescued. He thought for a moment, and continued in a more steady voice: “But, Bucky, I was only here for five –“ 

“Too long. You were here for too long,” Bucky interjected, he started to walk away again.

Steve stayed exactly where he was and looked back at The Chair. “I know, I just can’t imagine what it was like for you. All those years.” 

In a flash, Bucky’s arms were around Steve squeezing him like a vice. “Just never, never do this again, okay,” he said into his ear.

“I promise,” Steve whispered back.

Bucky pulled away, keeping a hand on Steve’s shoulder, and continuing to examine him. He looked like shit. “Alright,” he said at last. “Let’s get you out of here.”


	2. Reconnaisance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky struggles to get past what has happened to Steve. They both discover they’re a little broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s part two as promised :)

They had been home for a few hours now, having taken a Stark Industries private jet straight back to New York and away from that Siberian hellhole. Medics had checked Steve over in the transport outside that god-awful base. He was fine; still a little shaky and malnourished, dehydrated but his wounds had already started to heal thanks to the Super-Soldier serum. 

Bucky knew better. That place changes you. It turned him into a ruthless killing machine, and he was struggling to wipe the image of Steve strapped to the chair abused and frightened from his mind. He was terrified they had irreparably corrupted his little Stevie. When he had looked over at Steve while he was getting checked out, however, he saw only the softest look of love spread across his face. 

“What are you smiling about, punk?” Bucky had teased. Steve, from a laying down position in the boot of the truck, held out a hand. Bucky took it and kissed it, smiling back in spite of himself. 

“My hero,” Steve had said quietly, giggling a little. 

After that, Steve had insisted he wanted to go straight home. “No hospitals,” he’d said, and Bucky had breathed a sigh of relief. 

Then, on the plane, they had sat together, of course. Out of the corner of his eye, Bucky had watched Steve staring out of the window at the dark morning sky with glazed eyes. Keeping his attention on the tablet with the mission debrief info he was (not) reading, he had said suddenly: “It’s hard to sleep, huh.” 

“I am so tired,” Steve admitted. Bucky had opened one arm wide and Steve had pulled himself away from the unending blackness and snuggled up close to him. Eventually he had fallen asleep. 

Now they were home. Bucky had been keeping out of the way deliberately, phoning anyone who would listen to him: Nat, Tony and even Sam, who had read him like a book. “Listen, James. As fun as this useless post-mission talk is, go and be with Steve. He wanted to go home so you could look after him, not to listen to your small talk from another room.” Bucky had sighed in response. “Look, just grow a pair and go be with your lover, alright?” Sam hung up. 

That’s how he ended up here, leaning against the doorway of his own bedroom, watching Steve all curled up in bed at three in the afternoon. He felt afraid. There was an elephant in the room, standing between them, with his butt right in Bucky’s face. 

Taking a deep breath, he walked over and put a glass of water on the bedside table. Steve peered out from under the duvet, still looking a little haunted. His mouthed quirked in a little half-smile as Bucky knelt beside him. A moment passed. Wordlessly, Steve lifted an arm up and Bucky crawled in next to him. After securing the covers around them both, Steve wrapped an arm around Bucky, holding him close. Lips pressed into the top of Bucky’s back. He shuddered. “I know you’re mad at me,” came Steve’s quiet voice. Bucky began to turn to lay on his back. “I’m sorry,” Steve said.

Bucky lifted a hand and brushed it through Steve’s hair. It was clean now and shining like the sun, but it was still too long, yanking forward that image of him/being slumped over in the Chair with matted hair stuck to his face. He wanted him to get it cut, tomorrow, although he knew it wouldn’t erase what had been done to him. He had tried that himself. “Do you know, this is the worst thing that could have happened,” Bucky mused in an unreadable tone. “I never even imagined…” A hand came to his cheek and turned his face, so that he had to look at Steve.

“Bucky, I am okay,” Steve reassured. 

“No, you’re not,” Bucky retorted, sitting up on the bed. Steve waited for an explanation, confused. “That place, it changes you,” he said simply. “You – you’re so perfect. Don’t belong there.”

“That’s why you got me out?” Steve asked, sitting up slightly. 

“I was good. Before I went in there.” He looked down at his mismatched hands, at the metal monstrosity they forced onto his body. He cast his mind back to the previous night and trembled a little when he remembered how easily he had fall back into being the Winter Soldier because he had a mission.  


Steve’s hand came to hold that metal hand. “You are good. Bucky, you’re the bravest guy I ever met,” he said to him. “I understand that now, more than ever.” Bucky stared at their entwined hands on the bed and rubbed his metal thumb over Steve’s smooth skin. Doubt began to seep into Steve’s mind. “What, do you think I’m not good anymore?” he whispered. 

Immediately, Bucky’s head shot up, a look of horror on his face. “No,” he cried. “That’s not it. Steve, I love you. I just…” he trailed off again. 

“You just what?” Steve prompted.

“I hate myself, okay,” Bucky spat out. “Seeing you in that state brought it all back. I thought – I thought I was over it and I’m not. I hate myself for what I am and for letting this happen to you. I tried to keep this from you, tried to be strong in front for you so you wouldn’t get corrupted with it. And it happened anyway.” Silent tears were falling down his face. 

“Bucky,” Steve soothed. “Come here.” He pulled him into his arms and lowered them both back down onto the bed, keeping one hand on his head and one around his back. “I guess we’re both a little messed up at the minute,” he said into Bucky’s hair. 

“I’m sorry,” Bucky called against Steve’s shirt from inside the covers. 

“It’s okay,” Steve reassured. “We’ll have to look after each other, like we always have done.” Bucky slipped an arm around Steve. “We’re in this together now. We can beat it. And if I have to tell you how amazing you are a thousand times a day for the rest of my life, I’ll do it, if it gets through to you.” He lowered himself so that they could rest their heads together. He swiped a hand at Bucky’s tears. “I love you, so much.” 

Bucky put a hand on Steve’s face and looked him in the eye, seeing clarity and strength shining through, before he kissed him, softly this time. “I love you more,” he said, when they broke apart, and he buried his face in Steve’s shoulder.


	3. Taking Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Steve has seriously missed Bucky and wants to forget the whole ordeal.

Time passed as the two relearned each other, kissing slowly and softly in their bed, apologising to and accepting one another. Until Steve’s kisses became sloppier and eventually stopped altogether as he let Bucky hold and kiss him, insisting he wouldn’t be able to sleep. Bucky eventually put a stop to the whole things after his stomach made a loud rumble, which reverberated in the small space between them. They laughed together. In the silence that followed, Bucky realised he had once again, not been taking care of himself, and started to get up off the bed when he remembered that Steve still wasn’t in a fit state of mind to look after himself, either. He thought of the promise they had made to each other earlier. 

“You must be starving, you should have said something,” he said, missing the heat of Steve’s warm body and the bed. “I’m going to make us something to eat.”

Steve, feeling a little out of it, rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He was beginning to feel as if he was back in time, to when Bucky practically had to nurse him. “You’re taking good care of me, ain’t ya?” 

“I’m trying to,” Bucky called as he left the room.

Sitting down on a chair that faced their small kitchen, Steve began to admire Bucky from behind as the latter busied himself cooking, although he waited until Bucky had put the meal into the oven and had moved to a closer cupboard to get the plates out, to speak his mind. Leaning back slightly in the chair, Steve put on what he hoped was a pretty lustful expression and spoke in what was meant to be a low tone of voice; he didn’t realise he was slurring. “You know, that was one hell of a kiss you gave me,” he teased. 

Bucky looked over at him as he placed the plates on the counter. “Which one?” he asked. 

“You know which one,” he replied. 

Caught, Bucky stayed where he was. The real reason he had kissed him like that back at the Hydra base was because he was so desperate for Steve to remember him; he knew they would have messed with his mind, even if Steve didn’t want to talk about it just yet. It still hurt him to think what had happened to him, and what might have happened still. He settled with a simple: “Well, I had to make sure you could feel it, so you knew I was really there,” for an answer. 

“Oh, I felt it alright.” Steve could still feel it and wanted to feel it again – now. 

Taking the hint, Bucky moved a little closer, smirking. Steve reached his hands out to find Bucky’s hips and pull him in further. Then, Bucky was straddling Steve on the chair and looking down at him. “You are an animal, Rogers,” he cried with mock reproach. Then, with more concern: “You should be resting.”

“I missed you,” Steve said simply. 

Bucky moved closer so that their mouths were only a hair’s breadth apart. “I know you did,” he whispered against Steve’s lips, before they met in a kiss. 

As they broke apart, Steve caught Bucky’s bottom lip with his teeth playfully. Steve’s slightly glazed eyes darkened. “I loved it when you went all Winter Soldier on me back there,” he admitted, staring up at Bucky who was sat on his lap. 

Bucky stilled, both hands resting on Steve’s shoulders. “You did?” he asked quickly. Bucky, for one, still always felt ashamed of the darkness within him and tried to keep it contained. It had scared him when that darkness had taken over when Steve was in danger. Scared him, but also calmed him, making him strong enough to put his emotions aside in order to complete the mission. 

“Yeah, it was sexy,” Steve growled. 

Appreciating what Steve was trying to do, Bucky smiled, although he didn’t miss the dazed expression on Steve’s face, or the way he seemed to be leaning further and further back into the chair. Nonetheless, they soon found themselves in the middle of a steamy make-out session. Steve’s arms were around Bucky’s lower back and Bucky was running his hands all over his boyfriend, until they came across something warm and wet oozing out of Steve’s side. Suddenly, Steve groaned. He went limp. “Steve?” Bucky asked, heart racing. He looked from Steve’s pale, unresponsive face to the growing red patch on his shirt. “You’re bleeding,” he said, as he felt Steve stir underneath him. Bucky’s other hand flew to join the other in hoisting up the material. When he saw the small, bloody hole piercing Steve’s skin, his eyes widened. 

“It’s nothin’ Buck,” Steve murmured, lifting his hands again to Bucky’s lower back. 

“Like hell it is,” Bucky snapped back. “You gonna tell me what this is?” he cried, even though he knew perfectly well what it was; he was in that Hydra hellhole a hell of a lot longer than Steve was. 

“I forgot, it – it’s from last night. I think. Just – taking a little longer to heal that’s all,” Steve answered weakly. 

Bucky began to extract himself. “I’ll go get something,” he told him. 

Before he was fully standing, Steve pulled him back in. “No,” he said. “I just wanna forget about it, now.” 

With a slow shake of his head, Bucky looked Steve square in the face. “You can’t forget,” he said solemnly. Steve sighed and reached over the table for the paper towels. He tore some off which Bucky snatched and pressed into Steve’s side. He felt Steve’s hand come to cover his, applying gentle pressure, as Bucky leaned forward and rested his head on Steve’s chest. “You think I don’t know what this is?” Bucky whispered. “What did they want from you?” he asked, not expecting an answer. 

“Bucky, please, I don’t want to talk about this right now,” Steve moaned. “Can we just eat first?” 

Bucky lifted his head and looked at Steve, really looked at him, seeing how his cheeks had hollowed out and there were bags under his eyes. “Good idea,” he decided, finally getting up. “First I’m going to find some gauze to put on that,” he called, leaving the room again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I have a vague idea for another chapter, so stay tuned :)


End file.
